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  Archived Piece  
  July 19, 1998

I Want My Passion Back

This was an email to
Adam Rakunas, in response to a letter he sent out to his Knock list, detailing a rough day he had, and the long walk he took to try to get his head clear.

Brother--

Interesting Knock. I had a similar experience yesterday.

I stayed at work until around 8, and didn't have anything planned. The Fallout
(refers to a situation Adam and I are in) put my head in a weird space. I was wearing the swank Swobo bike shorts that Leslie gave me, and the sun was still out and the sky was clear, so I decided to go for a ride.

Went down to the Embarcadero and then biked along the piers. Past the Bay Bridge, past the Ferry Building, all the way through Fisherman's Wharf.

God, I hate Fisherman's Wharf. I can't believe tourists buy that shit as San Francisco. I pedalled through there as quickly as possible, and then through the Aquatic Park (past the Maritime Museum), arriving at My Favorite Place in San Francisco.

The Municipal Pier. A ramshackle curved slab of concrete that sticks out into the Bay. Dotted with Mexicans and Chinese fishing off the side, and the occasional jogging Anglo or hand-holding couple. It affords my favorite views in the Bay--to the West, the Golden Gate Bridge, to the north, Marin County, and as your eye sweeps East, across Angel Island, Alcatraz, the East Bay, coming back around to the Bay Bridge, and then SF. Coit Tower standing majestically, the hills sloping up, the big Ghirardelli sign lit up.

It's always a bit chilly, standing on this curved finger in the Bay, with the wind blowing unimpeded across you.

This is one of My Sublime Places.

I stood, gazing at the sun setting behind the Marin Headlands, at windows in the East Bay reflecting the golden light, and thought. The reverie was spurred on by the "Bomb." that fell upon the list
(Another reference to the situation), though that was, to some degree, just a trigger. There's also (always) slight frustration on the Girl front, and my job. In fact, it was that last one that I thought about most.

I kept wondering what the hell I'm doing, getting all worked up about selling FUCKING
[product I can't mention] online. (This is the big super secret project I'm working on). [Product]. I've been adrift in a sea of e-commerce for 5 to 6 weeks.

Selling Stuff isn't what got me into interactive media. It was the prospect of making interesting products that would encourage people to think. In 1994, I wanted one thing more than any other in the world: to work for
The Voyager Company. I sent a resume, hounded them every other week, and they offered me a paid internship. I packed up all my stuff (not a whole lot) and headed for Manhattan. I did shit work my first year there--color-correcting photos in Photoshop, compiling databases of keywords, button-clicking-as-QA. But I was working with a marvelously talented group of people, all of whom were in it for the same reason--we wanted to make the best product out there. Not one person worked there For The Money. Not one of them was riding the Multimedia Hype Wagon. There was true passion there, a sense of mission about what we were doing.

(Note: If you ever want to work with the truly most brilliant people, people who are both talented and amazingly personable, money is not the way to find them. The product is.)

In my second year, I began to get more responsibility, and nearly made it into producing a CD-ROM. Then The Web Happened, and I managed the sales and marketing of CD-ROMs and laserdiscs on the site. Interesting at first, 'cause it was all learning. But then, as the months wore on, and the writing became increasingly clear on Voyager's wall, I became more and more jaded about Selling Shit, even though it was shit I believed in. I tried to get involved in Web publishing (I produced the Web version of "The Narrative Corpse"), but that kind of work just wasn't going anywhere at Voyager.

In January of 1996, I gave notice, and at the end of February, I left the company, to move back here. A couple months later, I was hired by
Archetype, and while I loved the people there, and again learned a whole hell of a lot, I could feel my soul turn a little blacker.

The Fallout from the "Bomb." and my long bike ride got me thinking. There are two projects of mine that I still really really want to work on.

1. Using interactive media to teach Physics and Astrophysics to laypeople. This was inspired by the book
COMING OF AGE IN THE MILKY WAY by Timothy Ferris. It's a history of the study of astrophysics, and does a remarkable job putting across the concepts as well. Physics is, by nature, kinetic, and paper has certain limitations in getting ideas across. Interactive would be the perfect medium for such discussion. My original vision was doing to COMING OF AGE what Voyager did to WHO BUILT AMERICA? (still my favorite thing ever committed to CD-ROM)--using the book as a spine to hang all kinds of interesting stuff off of.

2. Creating a multimedia biography of Richard Feynman. This was inspired by
NO ORDINARY GENIUS: THE ILLUSTRATED RICHARD FEYNMAN. Feynman's magic, while well-captured in his books, is only enhanced when you see him, hear him, view his scribblings on napkins, his art, etc. I imagined a CD-ROM that would blow open the doors of biography by using the multiple media to give a fuller sense of its subject.

Where are these projects now? In my head. When I was at Voyager, I talked to both Timothy Ferris and Ralph Leighton (Feynman's confidant) about these ideas, and both were excited. Than I left Voyager, and, well, smart, thoughtful, deep, rich interactive publishing is dead. You can't get such a CD-ROM made to save your life (Just try to find even a mention of CD-ROMs at
Corbis' site. It's as if the titles never existed). And the Web doesn't seem to support Long Pieces. (How many of us have been told, "No more than 1000 words?").

So, instead, I earn a living designing Shopping Cart screens.

I want my passion back.

--peter